Through the articles below, I share some knowledge I gained from 2005 — 2009 from personal experience, reading and conversations with dozens of individuals. Some articles were cathartic: they helped me express my anguish with the legal system in USA that encourages conflict without caring much for human feelings.
Forgiveness
Forgiveness Workshop: A Report — 13 October 2009 — A summary of what I learnt at a 1-day workshop on forgiveness.
Three Stories of Forgiveness — 2 December 2008 — Real life stories which showcase forgiveness in very difficult situations.
Grieving
“On Grief and Grieving” by Kübler-Ross and Kessler — 12 October 2008.
Divorce and Custody
The Custody Rainbow: From Joint Custody to Parental Alienation — 4 August 2008.
Alternative to Divorce Attorneys: Mediators — 3 May 2008.
Hiring a Divorce Attorney: Look Before You Leap — 1 May 2008.
Love and Hate
Love and Hate: Two Sides of the Same Coin — 20 February 2008.
An insight I gained: the Western legal system is centered around Hammurabi’s principle of ‘an eye for an eye’ while Eastern traditions are grounded in Gandhian principles like ’showing the other cheek when you are slapped on one’. The choice is between retaliation and forgiveness. Such choices emerge only during tough times and shape one’s character.
My Personal Story
In 2001, I had a “love marriage” after two years of courtship. The marriage blossomed for three and a half years. Then slowly, the weather changed to the extent that in 2007, deep love had transformed into great conflict. We were embroiled in a highly acrimonious divorce case in California. During the process, my daughter moved to Illinois with her mom. Thus I lost contact with my daughter whom I loved dearly.
From 2007 onwards, I met dozens of people on a 1-1 basis, forming friendships of the kind that I had never experienced before! The basis of these friendships was not academics or common place of work. The basis was empathy, support and sharing of personal life experiences. At the same time, my reading shifted to meditation and spirituality. I started praying. The most potent activity that helped me remain calm and tranquil was the 10-day Vipassana meditation camp. I started helping others in difficult life situations; sometimes, I went overboard and got emotionally impacted. I also started devoting time to modular origami models — each model requires two to twelve hours of patient diligent work. I also attended many parties and get-togethers, making myself useful by becoming the ‘official photographer’ every time. And I started expressing myself through a blog where I wrote articles on Meditation, Modular Origami, Music and Puzzles.
On the whole, coping with the loss of my child while wading through the quagmire of acrimonious court proceedings helped me grow in many dimensions. Such positive changes would not have happened otherwise. During my journey, I was helped by over thirty individuals in one way or another — I am deeply indebted to all of them.
I am pleasantly surprised to see someone have such a wide range of interests from algorithms and data structures to vipasana yoga. I stumbled upon your page while looking for loop detection algorithms in linked lists, read your story above and it is very unfortunate indeed. Hope you are feeling better now and have managed to make contact with your child.
Even I stumbled across ur article in search of something else. I hope god gives ur another chance to bind with ur family. Good Luck.
I was browsing through Mr. Rajeev Motwani’s website and under his Phd gradute students randomly clicked on your name (I’m glad I did) and that landed me on your site.
Human mind is very powerful and capable of doing many wonderful (and not so wonderful) things for humanity. After reading your story I can to a very large extent understand your situation.
Check out
The Science of Happiness
http://harvardmagazine.com/2007/01/the-science-of-happiness.html
Happy living!
I am glad to get an opportunity to look over your website. I was actually searching for Rajiv Motwani’s home page where I found your’s. I am greatly surprised to see your wide variety of interests. Sorry to see a person of your stature endulged in deep sorrow. May God bring back you all the happiness in the near future.
I share similar experiences. Here is my realization:
1. Anything that exists and has begun must end.
2. The characteristics of pure truth is that it never ceases to exist.
3. Anything permanent has to have a permanent source.
From the above axioms, any attempt to obtain permanent pleasure from material stuff, that has a beginning, and hence must end, is rather foolish. The only source of true happiness is God.
I have experienced many forms of suffering in my life, particularly the kind involved with relationships. My journey led me to meditation. I came across a book Dancing with Life by Philip Moffitt. It really soothed my spirit. He writes about the Truth of Dukkha and why the Buddha called it noble. http://www.dancingwithlife.org/teachings/teaching4.html
Sounds like what is noble in you has come forth.
Hey Gurmeet,
I’ve been on your web site several times and know you for a while now. Sometimes in our darkest hours we come up with amazing creations. Its how we are and that’s a wonderful attribute.
Take care Buddy,
Samson
I stumbled upon your blog while searching for kusudama and awed at your professional capacity ,your interests and personal life. Iam not a regular blogger, but for recently, not too much & many though. This is the first time I felt to reply to a person whom i do not know personally.Good luck ! :)
Your homepage really deserves this name. I feel like a guest at your home. The picture on top is very beautiful, I like the layout of your pages, and I like the spirit in which all pages are written, although I am not religious. It is sad to hear of your personal losses, and I wish that the respect with which you treat us visitors provides some help in dealing with them.
I came across your story in search of something else. I hope god brings your family together very soon.
Life takes unexpected turns at times, when six years do not last for six sentences. I came on your blogs looking for puzzles and answers on your blog, got much more than expected :-)
Keep up the good work.
I can empathize and sympathize with your loss. I had a similar loss. I still feel as though there is no closure and life changed suddenly. The only positive outcome is indeed a re-evaluation of myself and life. Learning more about each that would not have been possible without the strife we’ve both faced. I saw it as an emotion, intellectual, and spiritual growth spurt.
All we can do is adapt, grow, and enjoy life. Peace and good fortune, friend.
It is funny when you know how people stumble upon your blog. I recently bacame a grandfather and helping with her initial upbringing. Thus I was looking for sume lullaby songs from Indian movies. Lo and behold your blog was listed first. Inspired my curiocity and I came to know your life story. All I can say with my deepest sympathy is that I am sorry for what happened to you. Better days will follow.
This world has gotten the most wise philosiohers who went thru similer situations.
Good luck.
Anil dalal
I came to your page looking for Distributed hash tables. Being a grad student I greatly admire your contribution at such a young age. You are obviously a genius and it is unfortunate that you have had problems in personal life. But I am sure you will be just fine very soon.
Good luck
-R